Why Should I Wait Until I Am Married?

Why Should I Wait Until I Am Married? Of course the first thoughts that come to mind are the two most common risks, which are pregnancy and STD’s; however, we often fail to mention the emotional risks that come along with having premature sex. Most teens are aware that pregnancy and STD’s are a possibility when having sex, but they fail to understand the psychological costs that are present as well.

Many are silent when it comes to talking about the emotional side of having premature sex, but in reality, this can really affect one’s life, whether short term or long term. Therefore, I believe that this is a topic worth discussing especially since the emotional danger is just as great as the physical dangers.

Thomas Likona, developmental psychologist and Professor of Education at the State University of New York at Cortland, discusses the 10 negative psychological consequences of premature sexual involvement and shows teens that there is more to be worried about than getting pregnant or contracting a STD.

1. Worry about Pregnancy and AIDS. As was mentioned before, these are the two most stressful consequences of having sex. Imagine having to be worried every month that you could possibly be pregnant. Even greater, learn that you have AIDS and will have to live with this deadly disease your entire life. Why waste your time worrying, when you can be enjoying your life, spending time with those you love, like friends and family. Hopefully, for some, the possibility of having to go through this experience, realizes that is not worth it.
2. Regret and Self Recrimination. This usually affects the girl, as she regrets losing her virginity to a guy that later on dumps her or forgets she even exists. This clearly will cause a sense of regret and hurt. I have heard stories where the girl haves sex with a guy, and then when tries to reach out to him again, he ignores her. Can you picture giving someone a piece of your heart, just to be ignored the next day? This can be detrimental to the girl, as she may begin to think all guys are the same, living with the fear of having sex. Sex with no commitment is a very dangerous road to cross.
3. Guilt. Besides feeling that what you are doing is morally wrong, there are other forms of guilt that takes place. The guy may feel guilt for leading a girl on and causing her emotional distress, especially when he knows he has no real feelings for her. Parents, who feel guilty about their past sexual history, may not appropriately advise their children when it comes to sex because they may feel like a hypocrite. Whatever the case may be, guilt can be crippling to all parties involved.
4. Loss of Self-Respect and Self-Esteem. You’re at a party one night, get drunk and have sex with a girl you do not remember in the morning, how does that make you feel? You have sex with a girl multiple times, but then get tired of her, so you dump her, what happened? Both of these examples describes a lost of self-respect. The guy feels disgusted with his actions and his dignity is lost. For girls, having multiple partners, pregnancies and abortions, soon develops a lack of self-esteem, as they begin to settle for any guy. That’s why having casual sex is dangerous and can lead to self loathing. Finally, people with STD’s suffer self-esteem problems because they are embarrassed of their situation and feel less confident.
5. The Corruption of Character and the Debasement of Sex. When people use other for sexual pleasure or as sexual objects, they are corrupting their character and undermining the value of sex. Sometimes people lie to get sex, rape, cheat, all things that debase one’s character. Sadly, our culture is sex driven, especially among our youth and the word is thrown around like it is nothing. Teems talk about sex as if it is an everyday experience. There is no love or commitment, but sex is degraded and taken lightly.
6. Shaken Trust and Fear of Commitment. When a relationship begins to be about one thing, sex, the girl usually, feels like they are never going to find someone that will accept and love them without having to have sex. Her trust in guys is lost and this can affect her future relationships as well. Also, in sexual relationships when you’ve been dating someone for a while and he/she cheats or the two of you break up, trusting that another relationship won’t end the same way will be difficult; therefore, in comes the fear of commitment as well.
7. Rage Over Betrayal. Some can handle a break up or betrayal, but there are those who cannot and their response is anger and rage. This rage can often lead to violence against the former boyfriend/girlfriend. If a person thinks the relationship is serious and sex is involved, this may also lead to a violent outcome, because one partner has developed that emotional bond and the other partner has not. It is best to know if you and your significant other are on the same page, so there is no confusion or surprises in the relationship.
8. Depression and Suicide. This is pretty self explanatory, but when one believes that their relationship is based on true love and they later find out the truth, sometimes their reaction may lead to severe depression and even death. Therefore, the more you invest your heart and time into the relationship, be prepared for the break up to be harder and painful. Talk to friends and family. Do not hold it in or isolate yourself.
9. Ruined Relationships. Sometimes when a relationship turns physical too fast, this leads to a faster break up. With sex at the center of the relationship, when new things enter, like anger, jealousy or selfishness, the couple does not know how to react. They become sick of each other and the relationship ends. If you decided to have premature sex, the relationship has to grow in the process and you must keep up the communication.
10. Stunting Personal Development. Having premature sex can hinder one from developing as person especially in young people. This is a time when teens are supposed to be meeting new friends, being active in school, finding out their skills and talents, simply being more socially responsible. These are important ingredients that are needed for the teen to develop into a person. Sometimes young people get so caught up in the relationship, mostly girls, that they lose themselves and stunt their individuality.

Sex is not a bad thing; the problem comes when it is not treated as seriously as it should be. The physical and emotional consequences are not worth the extra stress. Wait until you are married and it is the right time. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, but the problems arise when it is abused or taken advantaged of. If you do not get anything from this article, just remember, you my not get pregnant or contract a STD, but you will experience at least one of the other nine psychological consequences.