How to Be Single

We all know the type – the people who can’t be single. They jump from boyfriend to boyfriend to hook-up or girlfriend to hook-up to girlfriend without any time to breathe in between.

It’s deceiving to think that everyone is dating, everyone is happy in a relationship, and being single just means a failure to be pretty enough, athletic enough, smart enough, popular enough, or old enough.

But, while the fairy-tale story always seems to show a girl waiting around in some isolated tower for a prince to sweep her off her feet, not all girls have to be princesses and not all guys have to be princes. While it seems like many people seem to tell love stories about marrying their childhood sweetheart, very few people actually marry the first person they date.

Most teenagers spend more time single than they do in a relationship. If you’re unhappy the whole time that you’re single, you’re missing out on taking advantage of and living a vibrant time in your life!

When you’re single, you have more time and energy to focus on the important non-romantic relationships you have with yourself, your friends, your family, and God. Being single is a time to grow in confidence, friendships, spirituality, and self-awareness, and not just a time to sit and wait around passively for Miss or Mr. Right! Here are some tips on how to live your life right now so that you’re always experiencing love in all the beautiful ways the world offers:

1. Enjoy your friends and family. It sounds simple, but friendships and family relationships you take time to work on now are going to last longer and go deeper than any romance. The best part of a relationship is being with someone who knows you as well as you know them, and being with someone who feels like your “other half.” You can get that feeling and comfort from close friendships and a good relationship with your family now too! Your friends and family are always there for you, so make sure you’re putting in as much effort to those relationships as you are to any budding romances. Make an effort to get to know your siblings, your parents, your grandparents. Go on “dates” with your group of friends – to dinner, to the movies, to a picnic by a beautiful lake…

2. Find yourself. Relationships work best with two people who are comfortable enough with themselves as individuals to open themselves up to other people. Use your time being single to figure out your personality, your likes, and your dislikes. Figure out what kind of music you like, the hobbies you like to do just for yourself, your quirks, your favorite section of the Sunday newspaper, your perfect cup of coffee…

3. Be confident. Once you figure out who you are, don’t shy away from being it! Be yourself, and be confident. Do little things to become more comfortable with yourself and feel satisfied, like speaking your mind in classroom discussions, getting a part-time job, or volunteering at a local soup kitchen or hospital.

4. Set your standards. When you’re comfortable and confident with yourself, it becomes harder to settle for whatever nice-looking girl or guy next comes into your life. So set your standards based on what you decide is important. Want to date someone who your family and friends like? Want to date someone who respects your decision of chastity? Want to date someone with whom you can hold an intelligent conversation? Figure out what you’d realistically like in an ideal boy or girl, and stick to it!

5. Cultivate your spirituality. Use some of the time you have with yourself to connect or reconnect with your faith and your spirituality. Talk to God, ask for guidance on everything in your life, including dating and friendships, and incorporate that connection into your everyday life by getting involved with your church or school’s youth ministry or volunteer programs.

6. Have your own dreams. Now’s the perfect time to dream big! What do you want to do with your life? Do you want to go far away to college? Go to law school? Go dance the tango in Argentina? Volunteer in Africa? Learn how to play the guitar? No dream’s too big! Now’s the time to focus on your goals so you can give your life direction and put everything in perspective. That way, when you start dating someone special, someone who respects your self-confidence, who understands your spirituality, and meets your standards, you can have plenty of great and interesting conversations about what you want your lives to turn out like and how you can both be a part of each other’s dreams.

By Lauren A.
__________
Cavanagh, Michael E. Before the Wedding: Look Before You Leap. 1994. Westminster/John Knox Press. Louisville, KY.