The media is everywhere. Whether it be television, radio, newspapers or the internet, the media is ever present in one’s life. Therefore, the media helps dictate pop culture and what is the norm. One of the most popular themes in culture has been that of love. Whether it was the Beatles singing “Can’t Buy Me Love”, Noah and Allie’s budding romance in The Notebook or the media’s coverage of celebrities’ relationships, love is an ever present theme. Through its depiction of love, the media emphasizes that passionate sex, love at first sight and infatuation are central to any love story. However, these portrayals of love are far from accurate. So while most hope for these aspects of love, they are in fact unknowingly longing for something else - lust.
Love and lust are extremely different, yet very easy to confuse in our present day culture. Christian author Christopher West states in his talk “Freedom to Love”, (based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body) that lust “treats others as objects, sees the body as something, is directed towards self gratification and sacrifices others for oneself”. Therefore, lust is focused on the self rather than the other person in the relationship. This is distinctly different from actual love, as love “affirms others as subjects, respects the body as someone, is directed towards self-donation and sacrifices oneself for others”. Here, instead of focus on the self, one is focused on self-sacrifice for another. These differences make it clear, as if we did not already know, that true love is hard to find.
In the 1997 box office smash Titanic, Jack and Rose “fall in love” during the ship’s maiden, and only, voyage. Together, they explore the ship, experience romantic moments and even share physical intimacy. As the credits role, it’s easy to see why so many enjoy the
“love” the characters share, as it’s spontaneous and romantic throughout the film. However, upon applying West’s logic, the label of “love story” quickly unravels. Rose’s main reason for following Jack is because she is attempting to escape the wrath of her inconsiderate fiancée. In a way, she is using Jack as an escape and as an adventure, a form of self gratification. On the flip side, Jack has found an upper class girl who is interested in him. This interest allows him to imagine a life of wealth that was previously unimaginable. While this is not intended to ruin the glamour of 1997’s Best Picture, it does demonstrate that even in the one of the most classic cinematic love stories, the intentions of both parties may have been selfish, and therefore lustful.
Aside from attempting to define what true love is, the media also tries to define relationship normalcy. Seeing how some of our favorite characters act while dating or married influences how we perceive relationships. In the 1950’s hit show I Love Lucy, Ricky and Lucy helped define a
classic couple. They were a married couple who had small misunderstandings and slept in separate beds in their shared bedroom. This depiction demonstrated that marital arguments and sexual life were extremely private. Today, the media depicts reality quite differently as sex and promiscuity are clear themes. While the FCC had hard rules against showing a married couple in the same bed during the 1950’s, it now allows fairly racy scenes and storylines.
An example of this can be found in one of the most famous television shows in history. Friends was viewed by millions weekly throughout the late ‘90’s and early 2000’s, with each viewer tuning in with the hope that Ross and Rachel would finally get together. With such a huge fan-base, this popular show helped establish social norms when it came to dating and relationships. In the show, Joey consistently has one night stands with girls he can’t even recall, Chandler and Monica cohabit prior to marrying and Ross and Rachel have a child out of wedlock. While these mentioned behaviors have grown more common in the past few decades, the show makes it seem as though this is how dating and relationships are in reality. It therefore encourages many behaviors that can be counterintuitive to finding love, as defined by West. Furthermore, Friends aired at 8pm on Thursday nights, meaning that many young teens were in the audience. Its depiction of relationships negatively affects teens’ ideas of sex and dating, as some teens may presume that sex is a basic part of any relationship, when in fact it is anything but.
Love and lust are extremely different, yet very easy to confuse in our present day culture. Christian author Christopher West states in his talk “Freedom to Love”, (based on Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body) that lust “treats others as objects, sees the body as something, is directed towards self gratification and sacrifices others for oneself”. Therefore, lust is focused on the self rather than the other person in the relationship. This is distinctly different from actual love, as love “affirms others as subjects, respects the body as someone, is directed towards self-donation and sacrifices oneself for others”. Here, instead of focus on the self, one is focused on self-sacrifice for another. These differences make it clear, as if we did not already know, that true love is hard to find.
In the 1997 box office smash Titanic, Jack and Rose “fall in love” during the ship’s maiden, and only, voyage. Together, they explore the ship, experience romantic moments and even share physical intimacy. As the credits role, it’s easy to see why so many enjoy the
“love” the characters share, as it’s spontaneous and romantic throughout the film. However, upon applying West’s logic, the label of “love story” quickly unravels. Rose’s main reason for following Jack is because she is attempting to escape the wrath of her inconsiderate fiancée. In a way, she is using Jack as an escape and as an adventure, a form of self gratification. On the flip side, Jack has found an upper class girl who is interested in him. This interest allows him to imagine a life of wealth that was previously unimaginable. While this is not intended to ruin the glamour of 1997’s Best Picture, it does demonstrate that even in the one of the most classic cinematic love stories, the intentions of both parties may have been selfish, and therefore lustful.Aside from attempting to define what true love is, the media also tries to define relationship normalcy. Seeing how some of our favorite characters act while dating or married influences how we perceive relationships. In the 1950’s hit show I Love Lucy, Ricky and Lucy helped define a
classic couple. They were a married couple who had small misunderstandings and slept in separate beds in their shared bedroom. This depiction demonstrated that marital arguments and sexual life were extremely private. Today, the media depicts reality quite differently as sex and promiscuity are clear themes. While the FCC had hard rules against showing a married couple in the same bed during the 1950’s, it now allows fairly racy scenes and storylines.An example of this can be found in one of the most famous television shows in history. Friends was viewed by millions weekly throughout the late ‘90’s and early 2000’s, with each viewer tuning in with the hope that Ross and Rachel would finally get together. With such a huge fan-base, this popular show helped establish social norms when it came to dating and relationships. In the show, Joey consistently has one night stands with girls he can’t even recall, Chandler and Monica cohabit prior to marrying and Ross and Rachel have a child out of wedlock. While these mentioned behaviors have grown more common in the past few decades, the show makes it seem as though this is how dating and relationships are in reality. It therefore encourages many behaviors that can be counterintuitive to finding love, as defined by West. Furthermore, Friends aired at 8pm on Thursday nights, meaning that many young teens were in the audience. Its depiction of relationships negatively affects teens’ ideas of sex and dating, as some teens may presume that sex is a basic part of any relationship, when in fact it is anything but.
In no way should one attempt to escape the media as the media provides many wonderful functions such as information and entertainment. The goal is to make clear that what is pictured on television is not always an accurate depiction of true love and relationships. It is important for the youth to filter the media, knowing what is accurate and what is exaggeration. Titanic and Friends should not be thrown aside; one should just take them more as entertainment than as accurate portrayals of reality. For true love probably cannot be found in a week long voyage or in a knight saving a damsel in distress, but rather through a life-long commitment of self to another.
-Michael B.
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