The Hook Up

As a busy college student it can be hard to find time for sleep and food…much less dating. Who has the time to actually go out on a real date and sit down and get to know someone – or do we? The college dating scene is much different from anything our parents experienced. The age old tradition of boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl go out for dinner and a movie seems stale and innocent in light of today’s “Hook-Up Culture.” I ask this question, is the “Old-Fashioned Relationship” a thing of the past?

The first few dates of any relationship are an integral part of the dating process. They allow two people to get to know each other better, as they explore their common interests, likes and dislikes, and similar family backgrounds. While it might seem nice to bypass the nerves and uneasy stomach that come along with a first date, there is something charming in feeling excited about venturing out into the unknown. But what if that unknown territory no longer involves a night of good food and conversation? What if most “first dates” consist of “hooking up” after a campus party, devoid of any real conversation? Are students forgoing an emotional and spiritual connection for a night of physical affection?

Personally, I have always found the college dating scene a bit backwards. Although I have seen a few “hook-ups” transform themselves into long term relationships – these cases have been few and far between. It may be tempting to trade a night of “no strings attached” hooking-up for the effort and work that goes along with being in a relationship, but we need to ask ourselves what we are really trading. We are trading our self-respect for a moment of feeling desired. We are trading potential relationships for casual flings. Most importantly, we are trading emotional intimacy for what we believe to be physical intimacy – however true physical intimacy is not possible without first sharing emotional intimacy with another person.

Emotional intimacy allows us to truly commit ourselves to someone else. When we are able to speak about our innermost thoughts, hopes, dreams, and concerns with another person, without feeling judged or constrained, we have begun to develop an emotional connection. While it may be tempting to try and mimic this connection through physical intimacy, a physical connection between two people will never reach its full potential, if it is not paired with emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is developed through the communication and shared experiences of two people, and the more honest we are with both ourselves and our significant others, the stronger this bond will become. Many times students choose to sacrifice emotional intimacy for moments of physical pleasure – not realizing that they will always be searching for physical intimacy, if they are unwilling to first develop the emotional bond beforehand.

In the college dating culture, what are we truly looking for in our relationships? Do we really want strings of random nights – or are we longing for that deeper connection; a connection that can only come out of being in a committed relationship. So here’s the “hook-up” – we need to stop looking for love and commitment from sources that will never give us the TRUE emotional intimacy necessary for such feelings. We need to be TRUE to ourselves and realize that we are worth more than a night of casual physical intimacy. When we leave the “hook-up” at the door, it’s amazing what might be waiting on the other side.

-Sara Jane L